do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
