i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
