I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
