Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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