You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
