I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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