I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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