I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
