I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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