I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
