I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.