i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need a hobby that isn't dick related