I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
