I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.