If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
