Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
