I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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