i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
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is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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