dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
