My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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