i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
