my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
