You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
