Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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