...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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