listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
