He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
