Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
