you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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