yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
