i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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