WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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