No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
