I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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