You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
