Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
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Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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