Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
