I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
