What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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