I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
