Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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