great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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