what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
