I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
