I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
