One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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