I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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