I accidentally had phone sex last night
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love you. Go after that dick
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
