I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
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it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
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You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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