even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
