i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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