I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
