Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
