You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone signed my nipple.
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