Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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