my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The best revenge is premature balding
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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