there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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