I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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