If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
