I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
