I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
