Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
