it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
