i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You have to summon your inner elephant
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
