What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
barbara walters just said penis...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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