i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize
