i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Less talking, more tequila
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
