i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
