She announced her abortion via fbk
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is my gift to your gina
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
