I'm so fucking centered right now
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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