College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
