Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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