we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
