peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
