Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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