wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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